Pokémon Joke Stories
by Aochider
Summary: Random one-shots each chapter. I try to be funny. Chance of shipping - 20%. Chapter 5 summary - Cracky. Ash is walking with Pikachu and then finds a Bidoof. He attacks it and it evolves into Purge the fake one from YouTube , then Batman. I was not high.
1. C1 The First Pocket Monster!

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**Welcome to my random joke stories about Pokémon! In these joke stories, I do...random stuff! I'll try not to involve shippings in this (even though I am a semi-Pokéshipper), so...yeah. Hate? Why not! Like! Erm...Why not! Also, I am a semi-Brony. As a result, time-based events will not occur.**

**Actually, this means references. Let my random joke story begin.**

_MANY YEARS BEFORE...BURNED TOWER BURNT DOWN. LET'S JUST SAY 4 BILLION YEARS AGO._

Many Mews was flying around in the sky. As Regigigas had created the continents of Kanto, Johto, Hoenn, Sinnoh, Unova, and much more regions, and the fact that Arceus had already created humans, who have already adapted to non-Pokémon life. Sometimes, humans saw Mew or Heatran, but it did not matter. Since Arceus had already created many legendary Pokémon, Arceus ordered all the Mews to create Pokémon, including the first regular one ever.

That does not include the accident involving one other Mew, nicknamed "Derpy" by other Mews, who accidently transformed into a Missingno., and Arceus banished him and the others to the coast of Cinnabar Island and Seafoam Island.

One day, a Mew was flying around Kanto. This certain Mew – let's just call it Steve – had many great ideas for Pokémon. One was a ladybug Pokémon. Another was a Latias-like Pokémon, mixed with a regular fire-type.

Steve kept thinking over and over. Eventually, Steve decided. Steve's rival, another Mew – let's just call him Bob – already decided on who would be the first Pokémon – a kangaroo-like Pokémon, one part of Arceus's scrapped plans.

Steve decided on a rhino-like Pokémon, who was big and tall. The way transformation worked for Mews was that they put their thought on their head, and then they started to change shape, then their transformation would become permanent.

Bob also decided on his. Before he can say, "Myuu...MEW! (Translation: Transform... KANGASKHAN!)", he accidently noticed a human staring at him.

"Look, mommy, a kitty! Can I have him?"

"No, honey, you can not."

The child started to cry.

Steve noticed that, and eventually said, "Myuu...MEW! (Translation: Transform... RHYDON!)". After a minute or so, Steve transformed into Rhydon. Steve said, "RHY! (YES!)".

Bob said, "MMYYYYYYUU! (Translation: NOOOOOO!)"

And, after a while, Bob transformed into a Kangaskhan, making the child and mother scared.

But Steve was a Rhydon.

The first regular Pokémon ever. Of course, there were more after Rhydon, but Rhydon was the primary one.

But after Mew transformed into Rhydon, Arceus made another species of that mon.

One Mew transformed into a Ditto...that can transform.

And now you know.

**If you noticed the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic reference, you win abseloutly nothing. Except a mention in my next chapter.**

**Enjoyed this horrible chapter? I hope you liked it! ^_^**

**Remember to rate, follow, like, and review!**

**Goodbye! Sayanora! Adios! ****さようなら****!**


	2. C2 Arceus's Meeting!

**So back I am! You did not vote on poll of mine! Let me do something...**

**...Ha! I deleted your save files on every Pokémon game! Have fun replaying through Diamond, without that Level 100 shiny with Pokérus!**

**Chapter summary: Arceus calls a meeting in 2012 with Dialga, Palkia, Uxie, Mesprit, Azelf, Mew, and Kyurem.**

**Find the references! Winner wins...another reference! By the way...**

**_Oxenstierna D. Yuki-Rin_**** found the reference! So he wins a reference! A winner is him!**

**_JuicyRainbow_**** is also honorable for reviewing! Thank you!**

**Let me start this chapter so bad, that Derpy Hooves's fanfiction can beat.**

_AT TOP OF MT. CORONET, AT HALL OF ORIGIN, THIS YEAR..._

"Welcome, every mon. Today, for this meeting, we shall talk about the fake disaster, 2012. And-"

**"NO! I AM BETTER THAN YOU! I CAN STOP TIME IF I WANTED TO, JUST TO ANNOY YOU**!"

"**WELL SPACIAL REND IS BETTER THAN THAT HYPER BEAM WANNABE**!"

"**BUT I AM PART STEEL TYPE, MEANING MORE DEFENSE, UNLIKE YOUR 'WATER' TYPES**!"

"**I CAN LEARN SURF AND HYDRO PUMP, M-**"

"**SHUT THE **** UP, DIALGA AND PALKIA! YOUR ARGUING CAN GET YOU BOOTED OFF FOR ANOTHER THOUSAND YEARS! AND WE ARE TALKING ABOUT THE UNIMPENDING DISASTER, 2012, NOT WHO IS BETTER!**"

Both replied, "Yes, Master Arceus."

"Now, Giratina is not here, because I booted him off the meetings permanetly after he argued with Dialga and Palkia that he was better than them. Plus, because Lucas caught him and the fact he almost killed Dialga and Palkia, making me banish him to the Torn World. But Kyuramshi is here."

"Actually, Master, we split to become three. I wish we could become one, but I split into three. Now, I'm Kyurem, and the others are known as Reshiram and Zekrom."

"Weird. I would know of that by know."

"It's what you get for sleeping for a millenium."

"Shut up, Kyurem. Mew, Rayquaza, Mesprit, Azelf, and Uxie is also here. Even though they were all caught by trainers, they still got the chance to come."

"And we all know the reason why Groundon and Kyogre could not come.", Rayquaza said.

"Exactly.", Arceus said.

"Let's just start this damn meeting.", Mesprit said.

"Okay. Now, as we all know, it's December 1st, 2012 in every universe, including the Pokémon-less universe. For some reason, the Mayans, originating from Orre, stopped counting at December 21st, 2012, and thinks the world will end at that date."

Dialga said, "That is full of bulls***, Master."

"Exactly. But someone had to make a movie out of it. And now people are panicing about it. Only some, though."

"So how do we tell them the impending disaster won't happen?", Palkia said.

"Easy, stupid. I take them forward in time to December 24th."

"Nope. Only Red, Ethan, Brendan, Lucas, Hilbert, and Kyouhei was allowed to see legendaries, and catch them. Anyone else? Err...big disaster. Someone from another dimension attempted to catch the Legendary birds, and Lugia, but someone saved them all."

"I heard of that," Mew said. "Apparently, in THAT dimension, catching a legendary is equal to a big disaster. Pfft. How stupid."

"To point out, the Chosen One saved it, along with his girlfriend."

"**RAYQUAZA!** NOT TRUE. They were friends, not more-than-friends! 11 year-olds kissing is weird beyond belief!"

"Sorry, Master Arceus."

"Now, back on subject matters."

"We disguise ourselves as humans and point out that 2012 is not real to those who not believe so?", Kyurem said.

"Wonderus idea, Kyuramshi!"

"**KYUREM!**"

"Beh. It'll be hard to remember. As for Kyurem's plan...Let's do that. MEETING OVER. And great, before Celest...whatever finished bringing the cakes here!"

And everyone left.

**End. The Pokéshipping reference is somewhat intentiontal. This does not mean Pokéshipping, but I felt like doing that...because im so lulzy. I also came up with the Kyurem + Zekrom + Reshiram name, Kyuramshi.**

**GOODBYE**


	3. C3 Red's Test!

**Back, in a flash of speeding light, is...RAINBOW DASH!**

**…**

**OOPS! I mean Sonic the Hedgehog!**

**…**

**Ugh, alright, it's me. No reviewers? :( ****.**

**Chapter 3 Summary: As you know, in the games, the Pokéflute somehow wakes up Pokémon, like Snorlax. But in the anime, Jigglypuff sang, everyone slept. How would this work?**

**No shoutouts, because I posted this so early! :P HAVE FUN. This also takes place in the universe of ****_Pokémon Yellow Version._**

"How the heck will this wake up Snorlax?", Red said. "If anything, it will make it sleep MORE than it planned!"

"The Pokéflute will wake up Snorlax. Trust me.", Mr. Fuji answered.

That was Red's last conversation for a while. He did not know if Fuji was right, so to prove him wrong, he decided to go to Route 12 to prove Mr. Fuji wrong.

"Allright, let's prove him wrong!"

Red starting singing in the Pokéflute.

"do do DOOO, do do DOOOOO, do do do do do DOOOO...", the Pokéflute hummed.

"SNORLAX!"

"What! WHAT? How the frickin hell is this even possible? Such a calming tune can wake up...This? Ugh, screw logic now. Go out, Pikachu."

"Pika!"

"Pikachu, use Thunder Wave!"

Pikachu obliged and used THUNDER WAVE.

Snorlax is now PARALYZED!

SNORLAX used BODY SLAM!

Critical hit!

PIKACHU used THUNDERBOLT!

Critical hit!

SNORLAX used BODY SLAM!

SNORLAX missed!

"Go, GREAT BALL!"

Three Great Balls later, and more missed attacks, Snorlax was caught.

"Welcome to the team, Snorlax."

While Red was returning to the Pokécenter, he thought up of something.

"If this can wake up a Snorlax here, how will this work in the alternate dimension Bill mentioned?"

_DAYS LATER, AT CERULEAN CAVE...SHOOT, I MEAN CERULEAN CAPE._

"Hey there, Red."

"Heya, Bill. I got a little request."

"What is it?"

"You know those 'alternate dimensions' you mentioned? With the stupid one who looks a bit like me, who travels with the Pewter and Cerulean gym leaders?"

"Yes."

"I need to test out something involving the Pokéflute."

"Okay, then. Wait a few minutes."

3 MINS LATER

"All right, done! You can go to now where those 3 are!"

"Thanks, Bill!"

"No problem, Red."

Red entered the teleporter.

_ZING! DING! DING..._

_…...DING! RED is now teleported to ANIME KANTO._

_SOMEWHERE IN ANIME KANTO, NEAR LAVENDER TOWN. AFTER THE TOWER OF TERROR._

Ash was collecting firewood for Misty and Brock. Pikachu came with him. He got several pieces of firewood, but he was getting sleepy, very fast. The day's events wore him, including the ruckus at Pokémon Tower, so he needed sleep.

"Ugh...Pikachu...tired..."

"Pika. (Translation: Yes...agreed.)"

All of a sudden, a machine appeared in front of him.

"What is that?", Ash exclaimed.

"Pika! (Translation: I'll zap him!)

In front of Ash came out someone who looked a bit like him, except looked very different.

"Hello. My name is Red."

"Oh, hello Red. I am Ash... Nice to meet you... Can you collect...firewood for me?"

"Nope, I just needed to-"

"Ash, are you almost done?"

"Not yet, Misty!"

"Grr. Since you are holding up, let me see what you are doing."

Since Ash was close to the place Brock chose as a place to sleep, Misty was near, also.

She went through, to see two people. One being Ash, of course, the other looking a bit like him. Behind the other one, being a little buliding that looked like a time machine from a TV show.

"Uhh...who are you?"

"Oh, I am Red. I came from an alternate dimension."

"Why are you here?", both Ash and Misty asked.

"You see, I got this device here, known as the Pokéflute. I want to test something, because it woke up a Pokémon."

Brock appeared, apparently hearing the conversation.

"Okay."

Red started to play the Pokéflute.

**(AUTHOR NOTE: watch?v=gN9khUNDpo8 – PUT THIS ON. DO NOT MIND LOST SILVER)**

Ash, Misty, Brock, and Pikachu started to listen. It sounded okay.

Then, Ash yawned.

Misty yawned next.

Pikachu yawned too.

Brock also yawned.

Red's plan backfired. They all (except Red) started to fall asleep.

"This...is...not...-yawn-..."

Ash could not finish his sentence before falling asleep.

"You...dumb...-yawn-...i...d...i..."

Misty eventually slumped to the ground, sleeping.

"Pika...pik...p.i...k... (Translation: Ugh...-yawn-...you...not...work...)"

Pikachu fell asleep on top of Ash.

"My...god...I...see...girls...night..."

Brock fell asleep.

Eventually, everyone was sleeping, except Red, who kept on playing the tune.

"Damnit, it backfired!"

**(AN: STOP PLAYING THE TRACK)**

He got out his Charmeleon and started a little fire, right next to them.

He did not know how this did not work, as it worked earlier.

He eventually put them in their sleeping bags, put out the fire, and left silently back to his dimension.

_TELEPORTER ACTAVATING. DING...DING...ZING...DING... RED IS NOW AT KANTO, REGULAR._

When Bill saw him exit the teleporter, he asked, "Hey, Red, did it work?"

"Nope. Instead, they all fell asleep."

"Oh. Sorry to hear."

"It's fine."

Since it was night out, and a bit late, Red flew back to Pallet to sleep.

**How was this unhilarious chapter? If the anime characters are OOC, then sorry. I have not watched the OS in a while.**

**So, what did you think? Hated it? Hated it more than you think you would have? Whatever the **** matters, adios!**


	4. C4 Brendan's New Ticket!

**You know, this is my 4****th**** time making a fourth chapter. The last 3 were discarded by me, and one was finished. But then my laptop broke. Damnit. On the other hand, remember Deoxys?**

**Yeah, me neither.**

**Remember that event for FireRed, LeafGreen, and Emerald, where Deoxys could be caught at Level 30?**

**Me neither.**

**But, remember the Aurora Ticket? To make you go to Birth Island?**

**Hah, of course not!**

**But, on today's horrible chapter…**

_**CHAPTER SUMMARY: Brendan, the Hoenn Champion, receives a ticket from a guy at a Pokémart. He wonders what it's for, and goes to Lilycove. He finds out that it's used to go to one of the Sevii Islands near the Orange Islands…and Kanto. But, what does he find? You guessed it, Deoxys! Too bad he wasted his Master Ball on Latias…**_

**Have fun.**

Over at the Battle Frontier, Brendan was going over to the Poké Mart to buy some items before going over to Meteor Falls to catch a Bagon to raise and defeat all.

"_All right, the Pokémart! I need to get Ultra Balls, and-"_

"Congratulations, sir! You just won a free gift!"

"What?"

"This free gift was given by some sort of mystery!"

"Mystery Gift?"

"Yeah! Entering the secret code caused you to win this free prize! And not those fake ad-like ones, too!"

"Um…ok."

"Anyways, here's your FREE prize, the Aurora-Ticket!"

"Ok, thanks."

"If you see me again, be sure to earn your prize! Well, farewell! I got more prizes to deliver! Abra, teleport me to another Pokémart!"

"Abra!"

And with that, the gift man teleported off.

"Huh…okay. Well, it's a free gift." Brendan said. He then bought the Ultra Balls, and then decided to go to fly to Lilycove to see what the ticket was for. He entered the port, and showed the ticket to the lady.

"Hello, Brendan. Today's pass is for- oh, that pass… Let me ask one of our experienced crew members to see what this is for."

"Okay."

She entered the boat, and a sailor came out.

"Hello, sir. This pass takes you to a secret island in the Sevii Islands, a far-off region near two regions called Kanto, and the Orange Islands. I'll be happy to take you to the island."

"Okay, sir."

Brendan entered the boat, and a few hours later, Brendan heard the intercom.

"Okay! We arrived at the island! Please get off the boat!"

Brendan got off the boat, and saw the different logo.

"What is this logo for?"

"Ah, this is for the Sevii Islands Transportation Co., a subsidiary of Sliph. Co. It transfers ships from one part of the Sevii Islands, to another. It also goes to Kanto."

"Oh, okay."

Brendan exited the building and saw the weird triangle-shaped island.

"How the heck was this built?"

A voice in his head told him not to mind it, and he did.

He walked up the stairs, and saw the triangle. And more triangles.

"So many triangles…" Brendan muttered.

And he saw the grey triangle in the middle of the island.

"What is this for?" Brendan asked himself.

He touched the grey triangle, and it moved to the bottom left of the island.

"Huh?"

He walked over to the triangle, only for it to go back to the middle.

"What…"

He touched it again, and it went back to the bottom-left.

"Hmm…"

He heard a voice in his head – mostly his Gardevoir – saying that he should go the fastest path possible.

"Okay…"

He took what he believed was the fastest path possible to the triangle, only for it to go back to the original spot.

"What?!"

"_You cannot go diagonally."_

"All right, Gardevoir."

He went by square, and the triangle moved to the top.

"_Remember, do not diagonally move. It's considered cheating…for some reason." _Gardevoir said.

As Brendan walked up to the triangle, he asked himself, "_Is it just me, or has the triangle became redder than it was last time?" _He tried not to think about it, and touched the triangle a few more times.

Eventually, he touched it many times, noticing the redder triangle, and then touched it one more time…

…then it exploded.

"WHAT?!"

All of a sudden, a Pokémon floated out of nowhere. If you couldn't tell already, it was Deoxys.

"DEOOOXYS! (Translation: FIGHT ME!)"

"Ugh, ****! It's Level 30! Go, Blaziken."

"BLAZIKEN!"

"Blaziken, come back!"

Brendan then sent out his level 33 Smeargle. He was lucky it knew Spore, and the fact he breeded. He was in the middle of training it.

Deoxys then used Psychic. It got Smeargle to half health.

Brendan commanded Smeargle to use Spore. Thankfully for him, Deoxys fell asleep.

"Smeargle, use Flase Swipe!"

He used False Swipe 5 times – until Deoxys was at red HP – then Deoxys woke up.

"Damn!"

Deoxys used Swift, which left Smeargle at red.

Smeargle used Spore, which left Deoxys paralyzed instead of asleep.

"Great! We got Deoxys paralyzed! Then again, it could attack instead of stay paralyzed, but be the reverse for me… I hate my luck. This will take simply good, though! Master Ball, g- Oh shit."

Brendan remembered he used his Master Ball on Latios. He was glad to catch it.

"Shit… Ugh…this will take forever…and considering my luck, it will be caught in a Premier Ball after throwing 50 Ultra Balls… Well, let's start the countdown. –sigh- Ultra Ball, go."

It shook 3 times before Deoxys got out.

_30 ULTRA BALLS LATER…AND 2 FAINTED POKéMON…_

Brendan has tried an hour, and still no catch.

"Well…I have about 5 Ultra Balls left…I'll save that for Bagon…sigh…Timer Ball, go."

It shook twice.

"REALLY."

He decided to be idiotic and throw a Premier Ball.

It was caught. In the Premier Ball.

"F*** YOU LUCK! Well, at least I caught Deoxys."

He registered Deoxys in his Pokédex, then thought about how stupid his luck was, for not working for 30 Ultra Balls, 1 Timer Ball, yet it worked in a Premier Ball. He walked back into the Sevii Island Ship Port, sailed back to Lilycove, and while so, checked his Deoxys's stats.

"Wait- it's now in a different forme? What?"

He checked its stats, and saw it's increase in stats.

He also learned of its nature, learning that it was a speed-raising nature and a defense-lowering nature.

He was happy to catch it. And that was all.

**Liked it? Hated it? REVIEW NAO.**

**See you all later in a month! :)**


	5. Chapter 5 Crack Fic Has Batman

**Hello everyone. Today, let me just get this out of the way:**

_**This fic stinks!**_

**Happily taken from EarthBound. Now, I feel like doing a crack fic. Why? For teh muthafing lulz. Also, my chapters have no continuity. Meaning in one chapter, events from the previous chapter won't happen. Lol.**

_Summary: Over at Pallet High- You know what, **** it! Ash is traveling and sees a Bidoof. It evolves into PURGE. Then it evolves into…_

_Batman._

_**Yes, I have no more ideas. DO I CARE?!**_

Ash was walking happily near Jubilife when he sees a Bidoof. He was going to Twinleaf…for no reason whatsoever.

"Look, a Bidoof! Pikachu!"

"Pika!"

"Use Thunderbolt!"

All of a sudden, Bidoof evolved into Purge.

"Purge! Aren't you a myth?"

Then it evolved into Batman.

"No. I am Batman."

Then Batman goes away.

"Huh…weird. I need a reality check. Pikachu, check if I'm not in Puffy Cloud Land."

"Pika."

All of a sudden, Ash sees Arceus and another human. The human asks Arceus to go to Snowpoint.

Teh endz.

**Crack fics are the easiest to write. This was your chapter 5. I suck at writing. This is the Horrid Writer, and I suck! What, you thought I would say "And I remember it so you don't have to!"? HA!**


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